Psychologist specialising in
relationships and attachment
— Elwood, Melbourne
Transforming old emotional habits that quietly shape your life and relationships.
Get in Touch
Daniel Lichtman ∙ Registered Psychologist, Melbourne
“Why this might be different”
Fifteen years working as an attachment-based couples therapist has given me a rare depth of understanding of relationship dynamics, and heavily informs the way I now help individuals cultivate healthier, more satisfying relationships.
WHY THIS MIGHT BE DIFFERENT
High Conflict and Narcissistic Relationships
Some relationships are difficult in ways that are hard to name. You can be capable, clear thinking and steady everywhere else in your life, and still find that one relationship leaves you confused, second guessing your own memory, and careful about every word you say.
If you have found yourself managing someone else’s moods, apologising for things you did not do, or quietly wondering whether you are the problem, you are not imagining it. Relationships shaped by high conflict or narcissistic patterns tend to work in exactly this way, and they can wear down the parts of you that usually keep you grounded.
A MOMENT OF RECOGNITION
Does Any of This Feel Familiar
You replay conversations afterwards, trying to work out how they turned on you
You have started to distrust your own version of events
You do a great deal of managing, smoothing and anticipating keeping the peace
You feel responsible for the other person’s reactions, even when nothing you do is enough
You are competent and respected elsewhere, yet in this relationship you feel unsure of yourself
This Is Not Only About Partners
The same dynamics show up in more than one kind of relationship. It might be a current partner, a former partner you still share children with, a parent, a sibling, or someone you work closely with. What they have in common is a pattern that leaves you depleted, doubting yourself, and unsure how to hold your ground without things escalating.
How I Work With This
I work with the person who is affected, not with the other party, and the focus is on you rather than on labelling someone who is not in the room. Together we make sense of what is actually happening, so the pattern becomes something you can see clearly instead of something that quietly destabilises you.
From there, the work usually involves rebuilding trust in your own perception, understanding what keeps you drawn in or makes it so hard to hold a line, and developing boundaries that genuinely hold under pressure. We also attend to the toll these relationships take, including the anxiety, the eroded confidence, and the trauma responses that often build up over years.
This draws on an attachment based understanding of how we are shaped in close relationships, alongside approaches such as schema therapy, EMDR and others, matched to what you actually need rather than applied to a formula.
Who I Work With
Much of my work is with professionals who manage demanding roles and complex responsibilities with real skill, yet find that one relationship undoes all of that. If you are used to being the capable one and this situation has left you feeling unlike yourself, you are in good company here.
WORK WITH DANIEL
Taking the Next Step
If this describes something you are living with, you are welcome to get in touch to talk about working together. You do not need to have it all worked out first, and you do not need to be certain about what you want to do about the relationship itself. Making sense of it is where we begin.